As I’ve mentioned before, British and I have ‘morning chats’. It’s ‘our’ special way of getting the started. You know, we talk about the crazy dreams that we had while sleeping, we discuss our schedules for the day, and we share ideas that we may have about our businesses, and other funny light-hearted stuff. This morning we were having fun talking about book topics. We were just reviewing various catchy titles and topics for books. Pretty easy right? For whatever reason we started talking about rap star Common and the superstar tennis player Serena Williams as a couple. Well, we further discuss why would Common be interested in Serena because they don’t really look like the “ideal” couple to be dating. Serena is really muscular and by normal female standards.. a big woman. Common is a metro-sexual kind of guy who is probably about 5′ 10″ and seemingly would be interested in a more feminine type of woman. Most would probably see them as an odd couple to the public eye. I said Common probably finds her to be sexy as most men do and often it’s more about sex appeal for a man instead of her “pretty face”.
I go on to say they may not be a “couple” but perhaps they are “friends with benefits”. I further mention that “friends with benefits” could be a cool book. British immediately responds with” Well, who’s going to read that book??” As if to suggest that it’s a dumb topic for a book and why would I even consider writing such a thing. I immediately withdrew from the conversation because I felt she was being a bit judgmental about the subject and me. I felt although it’s not a book that I would write (because it wouldn’t mesh with my image) but what if I did want to write the book? She totally shot down my idea!
She obviously noticed that I had withdrawn from the topic and that made her feel uncomfortable because now she was feeling bad. I go on to say to her that it’s not her issue it’s mine. For whatever reason her comment hit a button for me. I expressed this to her and so I said I need to understand WHY her comment bothered me so. The thing is, because of how I conveyed this to her it left her still feeling like she had done something wrong. The truth is I was taking ownership of my own button that had been pushed. Her comment shouldn’t have bothered me so much unless I had some sort of underlying issue going on there. So I realized I needed to investigate that.
After further conversation…ONE HOUR LATER we were able to discern what the emotion was for me and what the emotion was for her and have a complete understanding of each others feelings. I understood that she only wants to protect my image and that I publish quality work. I totally understand that. Of course she’s got my back as I have hers. I was able to explain to her why her comment bothered me. It was because of How she said what she said and what it implied. Once it was all said and done we had talked it out and kissed and made up.
Geesh! Us guys have to be prepared to express ourselves and EXPLAIN our feelings too, even when WE totally understand them! 
Shelby
